Lately I've been having these awful dreams where violence happens to people and I watch and I can't do anything. A guy playing with a homemade gun shoots a child in the back of the head, on the street. A fight starts in a garage that ends with a man swinging a sledgehammer down on someone's chest and a single gout of blood shoots up, over his head. A train takes a sharp corner and from the locomotive the driver and I see two kids playing on the rails about ten meters in front of us. The driver looks up, grinning and crying, and tells me what great weather we're having. A large sea of burned and broken people lie on the ground waiting for the armed guards to start moving them to hospital. The guards don't say what they're waiting for. Children, why is it always children, saw off their parents' bleeding limbs with wood saws. They have no bandages. They try to amputate someone's whole lower body and some clear fluid splashes on the ground from their stomach. One guy's chest is split through the middle and organs pour out when they try to lift him. I'm trying to explain to a guard they're killing these people for no reason by waiting but he doesn't hear anything I say.
Obviously these dreams are about how most of the world is pulling into Conservative, survival-based values and I can't get a single person to understand why that's bad and we should resist it. I've been trying to do that since 2010, it's weird I haven't had the dreams before. I guess I'm getting better at caring about people.
But I don't understand where my brain gets all these gruesome details. It's nothing I've seen anywhere. I go out of my way to avoid seeing shit like this. I don't even know enough about violence to say if what I see is realistic. But when I wake up alone after four hours of sleep I wonder. If I'm receiving signals from somewhere. If I'm becoming my username. If I'm supposed to do something, if my words aren't enough.
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